A new species of monkey has been discovered in Tanzania, proving the law of evolution once and for all. Evidence indicates that the "highland mangabey" or "Lophocebus kipunji" monkey is actually descended from humans, thus completing the so-called "circle of life" that scientists claim "moves us all". The article makes no mention of the national security implications of humans that spontaneously evolve into deadly monkeys, but the Pentagon is holding press conference this afternoon and promising to help the monkeys "find their place on the path unwinding".
