If the Republicans can't win Presidential or Senate elections against such a damaged incumbent then it's time for some soul-searching. The Republican brand is trashed. There's enough inertia to carry the organization forward, but it needs to be significantly transformed.

Obama: What can I say? I don't think you're a very good president. I don't like your policies. I think you're weakening and endangering America. I think you're sapping our strength, innovation and spirit. You probably wouldn't think much of me either. Now I'm stuck with you, and you probably couldn't care less about me.

Romney: You had plenty of money and plenty of enthusiasm. You couldn't close the deal. Maybe you should have hammered Libya harder? Built a better ground game? Who knows. Northeasterners don't fare well on the national stage. I think you were the best of the bunch that Republicans put forward, and you did a reasonable job.

Virginia, Ohio and Florida: Seriously? Sigh.

House Republicans: You're less popular than just about anyone else in the country, but at least you can win elections. Please teach this trick to the rest of the conservatives. Do what you can to mitigate the bleeding over the next few years.

Tea Party: Despite it's enthusiasm, despite the fact that a strong majority of Americans believes that the government is too large, expensive and intrusive... the Tea Party has been a net loser for conservatism. Republicans would probably control the Senate right now if not for the Tea Party. Tea Partiers will argue that RINOs are no better than Democrats, but the next four years might change their minds.

Nate Silver and the pollsters: Good work. You should be proud. I always knew your methodology was sound, but I doubted that your input data (state polls) was accurate. It was.

Political pundits: Ugh. I couldn't even find time to read all the "Romney landslide" predictions over the past week. Are you people daft? Pundit malpractice.

The Economy: You're almost certainly going to improve over the next few years, and Obama will take credit.

Artificial intelligence: I guess we're going to need more socialism as artificial intelligence progressively displaces human workers.

Superstorm Sandy: Good job stealing news cycles and giving Obama the opportunity to look "presidential".

Terrorists: Guantanamo Bay prison is still open, and we've got plenty of Hellfires. Please don't stand too close to innocent civilians.

Rest of the world: Yeah, you love Obama. Let's see how that works out.

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