I'm almost finished with The Da Vinci Code and I have to say that I enjoyed it a lot more the first time I read it when it was called The Illuminatus! Trilogy. The first half of DVC was pretty engaging, but as soon as the premise of the book was revealed I quickly lost all interest in such a far-fetched, purposeless, facile reinterpretation of history.

To sum it up it for anyone who hasn't already heard, DVC is about a modern quest for the Holy Grail, except the Grail isn't a cup, it's Mary Magdalene's vagina. Surprise! The Grail didn't catch Christ's blood while he was on the cross, it caught other fluids and in fact spawned a brood of decendents that survives to modern times. The human Jesus, who was a wise teacher despite being a little crazy for falsely claiming to be God, intended his wife/girlfriend Mary Magdalene to carry on his ministry after his pointless death, but the male disciples decided it would be better to oppress women and erase "the sacred feminine" from theology. So they made up the story about Eve eating the fruit first (nevermind that the story was around long before Jesus' time) and put theological restrictions on sex to keep women down and rule the world. Pre-Christian paganism was a paradise of free sex and egalitarianism, epitomized by Jesus and Mary Magdalene, and then the Catholic Church squashed it all and ruined the party.

If you wade through all 400+ pages you'll see that it's even dumber than it sounds. I'm personally glad that I read it because now I've got a new yardstick to measure other peoples' stupidity: anyone who likes the book or thinks it's "deep" is a moron.

I can hardly blame the Vatican for implicitly comparing the upcoming release of The Da Vinci Code movie with the recent Mohammad cartoon nonsense, but I'd like to think that Christian beliefs can stand on their own without government intervention.

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - In the latest Vatican broadside against "The Da Vinci Code", a leading cardinal says Christians should respond to the book and film with legal action because both offend Christ and the Church he founded.

Cardinal Francis Arinze, a Nigerian who was considered a candidate for pope last year, made his strong comments in a documentary called "The Da Vinci Code-A Masterful Deception."

Arinze's appeal came some 10 days after another Vatican cardinal called for a boycott of the film. Both cardinals asserted that other religions would never stand for offences against their beliefs and that Christians should get tough.

"Christians must not just sit back and say it is enough for us to forgive and to forget," Arinze said in the documentary made by Rome film maker Mario Biasetti for Rome Reports, a Catholic film agency specializing in religious affairs.

"Sometimes it is our duty to do something practical. So it is not I who will tell all Christians what to do but some know legal means which can be taken in order to get the other person to respect the rights of others," Arinze said.

Here's something practical: tell people what's wrong with the movie and explain the truth about Christ, his ministry, and his church. Lawsuits aren't going to convince anyone.



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