Slick Moves and Mad Skills

Find woman. Stick in basement. Feed periodically. Repeat.

There are a few questions you must ALWAYS have the correct answer prepared and be ready to recite as naturally as possible. For example;

"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"
"Well, DUUHHH" is NOT the correct response.

The correct response is "No, the fact that you're overweight makes you look fat. That just makes you look purple."

Hey, I had my 8th wedding anniversary two days ago. I know what I'm talking about. Right?

I would not worry so much about trying to impress, and would just be myself- if they liked it, great. If not, oh well.

I've learned one thing: If someone offers to make me single again, run - don't walk - away.

Marriage has little, if anything, in common with dating. Turn the question around and ask if there's anything experienced bachelors can take into marriage.

If you are a cheapskate, try not to show it. Women hate that more than anything.

I don't know how much my experience bears on that of someone dating, but for what it's worth, I wasn't ready for a relationship with the good woman I married until I moved beyond trying to pick up sex partners.

Yeah, if I were interested in short-term scoring, what I've learned during my marriage would probably be helpful in achieving that. But I don't think I'd ever have accumulated that experience if I had remained focused on short-term scoring.

Given Michael's comments about the immorality of pre-marital sex, I'm guessing he's not lamenting his failure to score, as much as his failure to establish longterm relationships that might lead to marriage (and subsequent scoring). But I think it's kind of the same thing.

It's a question of being willing to put another person's happiness ahead of your own. Doing so, at least for me, was a necessary step to achieving a new level of maturity, and responsibility, and intimacy. But it wasn't part of some strategy for "getting" something or someone. Such strategizing is kind of the opposite of what I'm talking about.

It's about attitude. I spent years, literally, seeking a relationship with the woman I eventually married. We met in high school. She was the first person I ever passionately kissed. And I just wasn't ready for a real relationship with her, which she quickly figured out. I stayed in touch with her, and saw her from time to time, while we were in a series of relationships with other people. I had two pretty serious girlfriends and a couple of less-committed relationships over the next 4 or 5 years, until somehow, my attitude changed. I don't really know how or why that happened, but once it did, it was the like the clouds parting after a storm, and the sun shining through. Nothing was really different, but _everything_ was different.

I stopped trying. I relaxed. For the first time, I felt comfortable around her. I wasn't nervously trying to figure out what was the right thing to do or say. I was just happy to be with her. And somehow, as part of that, I suddenly became irresistable to her. :-)

We started spending all our time together, moved in together a few months later, and got married six months after that. We'll have been married 21 years in March.

JC: Sounds like a pretty romantic story. I guess for me I am learning to relax and be myself more than I was able to be when I was younger. I'm more comfortable with myself, as well as with other people. I think that's natural with maturity.

HAHAHA. "Mad skills." I thought I was going to wake up the whole house with laughter.

I think Socrates said something to the effect of "the more you know, the more you are aware that you know nothing." I think it also works in reverse.

Then again, you're usually so right about not understanding women at all that I've reason to believe you may be making true progress here.

Much has been written about men's inability to understand women, to grasp what they want, and so forth. Much has been written in response about what men ought to do about it. All of it is wrong.

Much has been written about women's inability to understand men, to grasp why we're the way we are, and so forth. Much has been written in response about what women ought to do about it. All of it is wrong as well.

Though the sexes are greatly different in anatomy, physiology, intellect and psyche, they have some internal commonalities. These commonalities tempt members of each into the belief that there are enveloping truths about how to relate to the other. This belief is badly, catastrophically wrong.

Here are the core truths. They have equal force for bachelors and for the married:

Yes, I learned all of this from being a married man. And it's all just as vitally important to one's ability to win the mate of his choice as it is to any other undertaking.

For more thoughts, please see this essay on the mating game.

The comment about marriage and dating being completely different worlds is right on the money. I'm approach 25 years of being married, and I can't imagine going back to being single again. It wasn't pleasant before, it wouldn't be any more pleasant now.

Being fairly wealthy now would probably help me attract golddiggers more easily (this is NOT an advantage), but I was far wealthier than any of my peers when I was single, and it didn't help me any.

cg: Aw shucks!

FWP: I think you're spot on. Getting along with women isn't objectively any harder than getting along with men. What makes it harder is that we want different, more complicated things from women than we do from men. This makes the negotiations more difficult.

CC: Yeah, dating in general isn't really pleasant. I wouldn't do it at all if I didn't have to.

Dressing up for dates is the most fun! That's why dating is indeed pleasant. But I wouldn't expect straight men to appreciate that aspect. :)

m: I like dressing up, but I like undressing up even more.

Living with a woman can definitely help you understand them. That woman doesn't necessarily have to be your wife. Growing up with a sister or two could have the same effect.

But if you really want to understand women, raise a little girl. Watching mine grow from toddler to young woman has taught me more about women than many years of marriage.

You have to work at it, of course. You have to overcome decades of cultural brainwashing about sex differences being culturally imposed. You have to accept that the sexes are fundamentally different in some key ways. It takes many years to get out of your own sex's viewpoint and see the world as the other sex does.

Once you can see from that viewpoint, it probably would be easier to date women. But more importantly, it would radically change how you would perceive women. You would be able to see a woman as other women see her, not just as men see her. Men tend to evaluate women on attractiveness, which the women have little control over. Women evaluate each other based on how well they have done with what they have. It's hard for men that, because women often achieve (or fail to achieve) in areas that men don't consider important.

The same-sex evaluation is more accurate for long-term happiness. If I had to do it all over again, I would have a much easier time spotting and avoiding the women who are pretty but rotten on the inside.

(Sorry if this is all one paragraph. I'm putting in paragraph breaks, but preview doesn't show them. Am I missing something?)

BB: That's pretty insightful... although hopefully I won't have to date after raising a daughter of my own. I do feel somewhat disadvantaged by not having had a sister, and it's significant that you bring it up.

all you need are balls, large balls. My ability to throw chinese stars at rabied dogs is impressive.

i like your ideas. mine are simple.. find the horny ones.. and show themn ur willy.. they stick to it for ages. annd then think its love.

but ladies.. whats love got to do with it. lying slags..