I hate it when telemarketers try to trick you into buying stuff. My credit card company keeps bugging me to join some sort of "credit insurance plan" that would supposedly protect me from some negative consequences of not paying my credit card bill on time. Well, not only do I pay off my credit card in total every month -- and on time -- but the plan they're offering charges a monthly fee of $1 per $100 charged, whether you pay on time or not. That's insane... as if I'm going to pay 1% interest on my bill every month, for nothing.
Anyway, that's not even the trick. The trick is that the people they call to bug me barely speak English and are apparently trained to do their utmost to get me to say the word "yes" in any context. The calls are recorded, and I'm sure that if I ever say "yes" they'll argue that I agreed to sign up for the program. For instance, when the foreignian lady called on Saturday morning (!) she went on and on about the plan incomprehensibly and then finished with, "And finally, let me verify your address, XXXX, is that right?" The trick here is that all the stuff she said about the program is concluded with your address, so if you say "yes" then you're not just affirming your address, you're also agreeing to join the plan.
So I said, "That's my correct address."
She paused and asked, "Is that correct?"
"The address you read to me is correct," I said.
"That's where you live?" she continued.
"I live at that address."
"You're the Michael Williams on the account, right?" she parried.
Finally, having had enough, I told her, "I'm Michael Williams, and I do not want to join any plan. Quit calling me."
I'm Michael Williams and I do not approve this message. :-)
Why do you stay on the phone? I usually hang up when they tell me their spiel. "No thanks" =click=
Too tame, meep. I consider it my duty to make telescums' lives as miserable as possible so they'll quit and the telescum companies will have to pay so much to replace them that they go out of business.
To that end, I used to insult and swear at the telescum when they called. Now I try to seduce them over the telephone. Doesn't matter if they're male or female -- the goal is to make their lives miserable, after all.
Mr Furlong, would you be interested in our credit card insurance plan?
That sounds interesting. Why don't you tell me more? You have a very sexy voice.
What!?
Your voice is so sexy. Keep talking. I want to rub myself while you tell me about whatever it is you're trying to sell me.
Works like a charm. With one exception they've hung up on me in a hurry and without a further word. None has ever called me back, which cannot be said for the "just hang up" approach. (The exception was a male telescum who realized I was messing with him and laughed as he hung up.) The only real problem is that I can't do this if the kids are around, which is, alas, more often the case than not.
If the kids are around, just hand the phone over to one of them, the younger the better. Kids always love to talk on the phone.