I've never really felt ugly before, but I do today. I've always known that I'm not particularly attractive, and it's never bothered me very much. When it started to, I lost a bunch of weight and started exercising and working out. I suppose I look a lot better than I ever have before, but apparently it's still not good enough.

And I've always known that, but I'd never really noticed it mattering. I suppose that's because in the cases where it does matter it's normally because of something that doesn't happen: someone doesn't talk to me, for example. It's hard to notice every time someone isn't attracted to me because they don't like they way I look.

But now -- faced with a circumstance in which my appearance has definitely played a detrimental role -- I'm somewhat... discombobulated(?). I've been informed by reliable sources that, contrary to my previous belief, if someone isn't attracted to you right off the bat then they probably never will be. That's unfortunate, because I don't have a lot going for me if you just see me from across a crowded room. I mean, I'm neat and clean and I dress decently, but those are minor details.

Once filed into the "Eh" category, I take it there's no escape. Unlike the movies where the guy is able to win the girl over through kindness, generosity, humor, honesty, and the enthusiastic use of semi-colons, in real life those things are mere bonuses to be tacked on to the handsome appearance that generates the initial attraction.



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