First go read my earlier post... it's underappreciated.
Secondly, I've stumbled upon someone who feels similarly... ironically, Og the Neanderpundit echos several of my thoughts relating to gentlemanly behavior.
Maybe I live in an idealistic fantasyland, but I wish modern human relationships enjoyed some of the protocol and structure of more innocent times.
I wish I called my friends Mister X and Miss Y, at least on occassion.
Thanks. Your piece is, as you say, underappreciated. You go on MY blogroll.
Og: Thanks! I agree with your perspective on touching, as well. I'm not a very touchy person... sometimes I wish I was, but sometimes it seems... barbaric.
I'll often give my first and last name when I meet someone, as a test. They'll tell me their name, and I'll refer to them as Mister or Mizz (legal work) and see how they refer to me. The ones who refer to me as Mister gain esteem to me. I consider it bad form for them to not tell me their last name after I have given them both my first and last name.
You might find this interesting -- I work as a support staff member for attorneys in court. I've been in court and referred to both by Mr. XXX and my familiar name. We've found that juries seem to respond well if younger attorneys refer to me formally, but men very much my senior (I'm late 20s -- I'm talking late fifties and sixties) can get away with referring to me familiarly and not have it be seen as less respectful than referring to me formally. Juries tend to see an attorney that is formal and respecting to his staff and the court staff as someone who is more respectable himself and as a sign of respect to the jury. They tend to see it as a nod to them that an attorney acts that formally in their presence.
There is some hope for formality in society.
I must agree and send a favorite Florence King quote on the same subject:
"Familiarity doesn't breed contempt, it IS contempt."
It's normal and natural to have physical contact with those to whom you're close- the best part of my day is curling up next to the wife at it's end. The other best part is the full-run and jump bearhug given to me at breakfast by the daughter. It greatens the value of the contacts you do have by not diluting them with meaningless contact, in my mind. Your mileage may vary, of course, but familiar touching is supposed to mean just that: touching within the family. Otherwise, I think it's rude.
Phelps: It bugs me no end when people only give me their first name. It seems to throw people off when I introduce myself with my full name, though.
What about Cher or Madonna or Tiffani? I used to want to just go by Petra for a couple of reasons. First of all, it's not a common name. In 28 years, I've only met one other person who spelled her name the same and she pronounced it differently. What I can't stand are the German people who tell me it's a German name and should be correctly pronounced "Pay-tra." I always feel like saying, "First of all it's Hebrew and second of all, we're in America and I can pronounce however I want!" Secondly, I wanted to drop my last name because of a now non-existant relationship with my father. However, after becoming a professional in an 8-5 job, I realized having no last name probably wouldn't be understood and I didn't just want to make up some last name that had no meaning to me.
I know everyone has their own comfort levels with touch but my fiance used to hug everyone, male or female, when we left parties. It drove me crazy at first but that's how he'd been raised. His dad loved everyone. Now, none of our friends ever leaves a party without hugging everyone else when they go.
As for Og, I agree with him in theory but I don't get mad when kids call me by my first name and so far, none of our friends or acquaintances have ever objected to our daughters calling them by their first names. Most of my fiance's close male friends are actually Uncle So-and-So to our girls.
The one thing I do differ slightly on, is I think men should open doors for women? Why not? It's polite and I'd love to believe chivalry is not dead. When I was 18, I went out on a date with a guy from work who was about 5 years older than me. I'd had about 3 boyfriends prior to him and so I expected guys to open the car door, etc. Well, he didn't open my door, he unlocked it from inside his truck. I should have walked away then. I went to a movie with him and then we went to a cafe afterwards. He pulled out a chair and I went to sit down thinking he was pulling it out for me. He said, "Oh..." kind of surprised and then pulled out another chair for himself since I had sat down at that point. Needless to say, it was our first and last date (there were other circumstances to our not going out again too but that always sticks out in my mind because in all the years I've been allowed to date, he was the only one who ever acted that way).
As for Mr. Williams, in myt experience, if I introduce my self to someone, male or female, I usually don't have to say "What's your name?" They offer it after having been told mine. Just an observation.
There's nothing wrong with opening a door, or moving a car so a woman doesn't have to step over a puddle to get into the car. There's nothing wrong with doing that for a man either. Politeness goes a long way.
As far as proper names are concerned, a single name isn't such a bad thing, on the right person. And I've had to spell my last name for every single person I've ever told it to, all my life, every single time, and they usually STILL get it wrong. So I know what it's like to have difficulties with a name, even if it's one you like. IN the business world, a full name is expected, so you'll have to do the best with the one you have. Take it as a challenge to make the name, when associated with you, have good meaning.