I was just out for a walk, and I've decided on a new motto: "Roll dem bones!" Between yesterday and today, several rather large gambles have concluded, and they've reinforced my generally risk-perverse view of the world.
I've come to realize that most people vastly overestimate potential negative consequences when they make decisions. Most people seem reluctant to do anything unless they're virtually guaranteed success, but most of the time the consequences of failure are really rather benign. You apply for a job, you get rejected. You send a story to a magazine and don't get a response. You ask a girl out, she says no. Big deal.
Most of these "consequences" aren't even materially important -- they're all about what people may think of you if you fail. I guess I just don't care what most people think of me. I've written about the power of apathy before, and I still believe it. You win some, you lose some. The only way to keep from losing is not to play.
I'm not waxing philisophical because my recent risks turned out badly; on the contrary, I'm quite pleased. I just want to remind myself at times like this, when things are going well, that even if they had turned out differently it wouldn't really matter. I might be disappointed, but I wouldn't regret having taken the chance. In fact, in hindsignt, I can't think of a risk I've regretted taking, even when I've lost. Them's the breaks.
While we're on the topic of mottos, here's another: Everything's negotiable. Everything. The price of airline tickets, grades in school, pay at work, relationships, everything. You just need to talk to the right person. You may not always get your way in the end, but just because there's a rule written down somewhere doesn't mean there isn't someone with the authority to break it. That's why the old maxim -- "It isn't what you know, it's who you know." -- is abolutely true. The clerk at the front desk will tell you there aren't any rooms, but if you can get to the manager it may be a whole different story.
Good advice on both fronts. I can't say I have never regretted taking a gamble, but the bottom line is that gamble or not, who you are this minute is the result of the decisions you have made - good or bad. If you had made different choices, you would be a different person and have a different life, and since there is no way to those decisions, you might as well not fret over it.
Hmm, reading that last sentence, looks like I need my Friday martini. Don't know if you drink or not, Mike, but if you do, sounds like you could use one...
I don't really drink. I don't like the taste of alcohol, and it's illegal to drink while carrying a gun.
Grades are negotiable? Guess I grew up in a different era. Or maybe others were negotiating and I was oblivious.
Of course grades are negotiable. In colleges, professors have almost absolute power.
Well, in my whole life I contested exactly one grade and never tried to negotiate any others. But I'm not going to lose any sleep over what I might have lost out on.
This has been my experience, both in my own life and in what others have shared with me about theirs:
As you get older and look back on your life, the things you regret are not the things that you did that didn't work out the way you hoped; the things you regret are the ones you wanted to try but didn't.
Joel: Grades aren't really that important, so I don't think you missed out on much :)
Chip: I completely agree, which is why I try to be more risk-perverse now while I have the chance.
This is great advice.
On taking risks, if you're facing a tough decision and can't decide which way to jump, then decide in favor of doing, rather than not doing. It can be scary, stressful, and hard, but it's usually worth it, if only for the experience you gain. Talk to people who've started their own business, and they'll tell you the same things.
And on negotiating, do it! Don't be a jerk, don't be confrontational (unless it's called for), but speak your peace and take a shot. You might think the other party won't respond in your favor, but in many cases, they don't have a huge stake in the way things turn out, and may be willing to tweak things in your favor. In most cases, you've got little or nothing to lose apart from the time it takes to try.
I wish I would have known these things when I was younger, instead of having to learn them on my own at a later age. I also wish I knew the best way to impart these lessons to my son. Teaching by example is always nice, but those lessons tend not to sink in until you get older (or so it worked with me, when I grew up and suddenly found myself acting just like my Dad)