I've written about love and marriage quite a bit; I expect to get married someday and I have a lot of thoughts on the matter. I have fears and anxieties about both love and marriage, and it's good to put all my thoughts out in text so that I can keep track and make sense of it all.

I also look for as much advice as I can find on the matter, and Donald Sensing typically has some good pointers; yesterday he wrote out some of the direction he gives when counseling people who come to him and want to get married, and he gives some excellent advice, but he discounts the fear involved in making such an immense decision.

Many men, however, claim that men avoid marriage, or get married later than otherwise, because divorce laws are stacked against them. To which I say, maybe so, but why on earth would a man get married with one hand on the ejection seat? When men and women get married with some level of expectation that the marriage will fail, then the prophecy sadly can become self-fulfilling.
It's true that such expectations can be self-fulfilling, but ignoring such fears and pretending that divorce will never happen certainly doesn't protect you. Divorce is an ugly fact of life, and there are lots of statistics that demonstrate that fact and reinforce my fears.

My parents are divorced, and it's something that I never want to put my kids through. Heck, I've broken up with girls and that's something I never want to go through again, if I can help it. I can only imagine how much more traumatic divorce would be, and then when you kick in all the financial and social costs... ugh.

Donald seems to advocate never marrying someone unless you're absolutely sure you trust them, but people change and are inherently not trust-worthy. Men get older and buy Ferraris and trophy wives; women get bored and lonely, or whatever. Who knows. The point is, no one can be completely trusted. Christians have nearly identical divorce rates as non-Christians (possibly because Christians get married younger, on average; and I don't know if that accounts for divorces that occur before they became Christians). It's scary. I agree that I would never enter into marriage with the "we can always get a divorce if it doesn't work" attitude, but doesn't it make sense to consider all the possibilities?

I suppose, in the end, all you can do is try to love your spouse in a Christ-like manner, and leave the rest to God. Maybe that's what Donald means -- there's no use worrying, you can only do your best. Maybe. I know I want to get married, so it's not like I have to be talked into it, but it's still a jittery prospect.



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