I have a fun dillema. My girlfriend does not particularly believe in monogamy. At the same time, she doesn't actually act on this belief. I don't really have any concerns either way about monogamy...being in this situation is, theoretically, every guys dream, right? Eat your cake, have it too, etc etc. Only two problems with this:
To make it work in my favor, it seems I'd have to lie to any girl I dated
I'm really, really good at lying, but this just isn't something I can lie about
I guess the obvious solutions are "stop being an idiot" or "find a girl who doesn't care", but I thought I'd broach the issue and maybe see what people thought about the morality or "correctness" of the whole thing anyway. Is monogamy or being monoamorous the only way to go? Does anything else make sense? Is my little problem entirely a societal construct?
I don't see how this could turn out good. Despiter her not "caring", people are jealous by nature. I can't imagine that you wouldn't care if she had a romantic relationship with someone else, and I really doubt she wouldn't care (even if she won't admit it) if you had a romantic relationship with someone. If my girlfriend (none at the present) told me I could date around, and she wouldn't care, I'd either think of her as a liar, or think she really didn't care about me that much. I want to be with someone that loves me so much they couldn't bare to share me. Thats just my opinion.
If you care about someone, you should care about telling the truth. If you are really involved then each person should be very clear about what they expect.Your level of committment should be in line with the seriousness of the relationship.
Yeep! Bye, sweetheart. Time for a new girlfriend.
hln
Imagine that you were a wealthier, better looking, more powerful you. Would you be monogamous? Keep in mind Chris Rock's Rule of Male Fidelity: A man is as trustworthy as his options allow him to be.
In other words, if you had every opportunity to be a stud, would you or would you not? Rent 'Bedazzled' and put yourself in whathisface's shoes; you chasing the same woman? If so, propose, get married and stop whimpering. If not dump her honestly and move on.
Next question.
Are you dating to get laid or dating as a preliminary to marriage. If the latter, dump her unless you want a Clinton style open marriage (I wouldn't recommend it).
But before you dump her, you might ask yourself if she's being truthful with you about her not caring. Women sometimes do the most incomprehensible things. If she's laying this line out as a test of your own fidelity on the "if you love someone, set them free" principle, it might be a shame to misinterpret it and dump her even though you both want monogamy.
Whatever you do be sure of your own heart before you test hers.
monogamy is good. anyone who says they don't care if their boyfriend or girlfriend is not monogamous is either lying, not really concerend about the relationship, or in need of serious counseling.
Chris Rock observed that the problems between men and women can be attributed to the fact that 90% of the women wanted to sleep with 10% of the men. If true, this is proof that men like women more than women like men and are to be considered the sexist sex.
Unless you are among that golden 10%, you will be (un)screwed by an open arrangement: it will be very easy for her to find partners, and next to impossible for you to do so. Your reputation will also suffer if you seek partners because women have no code forbidding decent women to tell on men, as decect men do. Not only that, she'll be so busy pleasing the other guy, she'll have little energy to look to your needs, should she even recognize you have any.
If you are of the 10%, the rest of the men will want to see you dead.
The practical idea behind society-wide monogamy is to provide as many men and women as possible with a healthy means to sexual release while minimizing the violent sexual competition of mammalian males, as well as to hold parents responsible for their offspring's support.
"As long as there's sex, there is no dignity"--Al Columbato in BIRDY. Social monogamy offers us a chance.
Brett, I'd argue that most of society just want a "sexual release", they want unconditional love. Sex is probably the easiest way for a man to feel loved, (many women too), but thats not what people really crave. If it was what people wanted, then like you said, women wouldn't really ever want a monogamous relationship, and the top 10% of men wouldn't either. Yet the majority of both of the aformentioned categories yearn for a loving, manogamous relationship.
depends on how close with the person you are.
if you are really close, i would agree that the jealousy thing could get consuming.
and girls lie about it. heck, so do i. once you really start caring about someone, it's pretty much monogamous no matter what you say. oh, the "let's be open about this" line is all good and happy, but when you are really into someone, other people are just disappointing.
Vinec--
True enough. I would say that craving is a result of the success of the civilizing influence of social monogamy.