One of my highly-placed friends in the Department of Homeland Security just leaked a picture to me of John Ashcroft's new Citizen Awareness Program, or "CAP". Apparently, Ashcroft thinks he'll be able to find terrorists more easily if he can tell them apart from citizens by using spy satellites -- he's planning to issue these ballcaps with barcodes to "real Americans". My friend says they'll be for "our own protection" at first, but after the "election" of 2004 Bush is going to make them mandatory!



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