In this year's baseball playoffs, there are four teams remaining: The Cubs, Yankees, Redsox and Marlins.

I've decided I hate all four teams and none deserve to win. At work, Frank and I have been actively rooting for a game 7 of the world series meteor or something. Or maybe Don Zimmer will go crazy again and actually succede in taking not only Pedro Martinez, but every other player on all four teams completely out of action, by maybe killing them or something. Hey, it could happen.

None of these teams deserve a title. The Marlins won in like, 1997, when they bought a championship and then prompty dismantled their team. Slimy owner Wayne Huzienga (I'm not even going to try to spell that right) then complained that no one came to see the newly dismantled Marlins, and he eventually sold the team.

But it gets better! The Marlins are now owned by someone even Slimier, Jeffrey Loria. Mr. Loria, until last season, owned the Montreal Expos, who are now referred to as the Anywhere-But-Montreal Globetrotters. This is a team that actually played "home" games in both Montreal and Puerto Rico. Just in case your geography is lacking, those places are not close. Though they are all millionaires, so maybe they do have homes in both places.

When Loria sold the Expos to MLB (they have no actual owner now) part of the deal was he got to have the Marlins. The Expos were in such a sorry state the league is working hard to move them somewhere else, due to all sorts of complaints like "canadian taxes are too high", "there are no fans" and "We don't speak canadian". But their main problem, no fans, seems to have been largely caused by Mr. Loria. There aren't even English broadcasts of Expos games IN MONTREAL. How do you have fans who can't even watch you? But my favorite part of all this is when Mr. Loria took over the Marlins, he totally stripped the Expos. He took everyone associated with the team other than the players (though he tried to do that too). He took the equiptment from the training rooms. I'm pretty sure the toilet in his house came from Olympic Stadium. So he, and his team, are flat out. Can't root for them.

The Redsox may be worth rooting for - they haven't won in a long time (since 1918!), and they have had a lot of really heartbreaking moments over the years. Heck, they've lost 4 game 7's of the world series since their last win. Thats tough. But they have two things going against them. First, they have the Curse. Sure, it's a myth, yadda yadda, but regardless they sold the greatest baseball player of all time (maybe second greatest at this point - more later). Not only did they sell him, but they sold him to finance a Musical. Not only did they sell him to finance a Musical, but they sold him after he had won TWO GAMES of the world series, the last they won, as a PITCHER. Babe Ruth, best hitter ever. The second reason is their ridiculous Cowboy up slogan they've taken on this year. It makes me want to retch evey time I hear anything about it. And they don't Cowboy up anyway, they're a bunch of pansies. Manny Ramirez going towards Roger Clemens, with his bat? After a pitch that wasn't even inside! Pedro Martinez trying to bean someone. I hate them. So they're out.

The Cubs. I don't really have much to say about the cubs, other than their best player was shown to be a cheater but got away with it with his goofy smile and broken english. This team just doesn't seem ready to me, so rooting for them seems destined for heartbreak anyway (I've had enough of that, I root for the A's and the Tigers). And Big Sluggers in MLB today drive me nuts. Body armor, prancing around, cry if a pitch is vaguely inside. Cubs have the biggest one of those left in the playoffs. They're out. Mark Priors awesomeness isn't enough to make up for Sammy. Oh, and Dusty Baker, argh. Don't get me started.

Finally, the Yankees. Uh, I shouldn't even need to explain this one. They're evil. But in the end, I think if anyone has to win of this group, it should be them. I mean, they've won 26 times, whats a 27th? Changes nothing. New Yorkers won't be any more insufferable. Derek Jeter won't be any more overrated. But the best part is that I read that if they win it this year, George Steinbrenner will turn over more control to his kids. Less George = a win for everyone! Go Yanks!



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