Hey Girls, Here's a Clue

Oooh, how insensitive!

Girls are like that, Michael. They bask in male attention and always strive to maximize it, even when doing so sends messages they claim they don't really mean to transmit. That's why they dress the way they do. That's why they all read women's magazines rich with articles on "how to catch your man and have him keep you." It's their version of collecting moose heads and mounting them over the mantel, or putting their bowling trophies all over the bookcases.

The average woman wants to be admired and fussed over by as many men as possible, and secretly fantasizes about being fought over. And they will never, ever admit it, God bless 'em.

Of course, we men have our own proclivities in that regard...but this is enough for one snotty comment.

That's just...WRONG. Another one obviously not worth your time, as you'll find with most.

And, Francis, what man wants an "average" woman anyway?

hln

In the Hollywood movie version of your life, you will wake up one morning having been magically transformed into a woman who must travel a lot. And you will find yourself sitting next to an assortment of men on airplane flights, and will experience the full gamut of male come-ons, some gallant, some boorish, most falling somewhere in-between.

Since this is a movie, there will also be a conveniently timed sequence of events in which you have a near-miss while out jogging one day, when a big guy in a hooded sweatshirt suddenly blocks your path while you transit through an area with thick bushes and no one else nearby. He will pull a knife, and it will become clear that you are about to be raped (or worse). At the last moment, he will be scared off by the arrival of another woman walking an extremely large dog. Said other woman will then lecture you with fierce urgency about her own experience of rape, and your idiocy in taking the chance you were just taking.

On your next flight you will find yourself sitting next to... Michael Williams! He will make some polite, yet vague, advances, and you will respond with similarly polite, yet vague, responses. Emboldened by your "flirting," he will solicit your phone number at the end of the flight, and you, flustered and too aware of the long walk through the dark parking lot to your waiting car, will oblige with your actual number, rather than the fake number you realize afterward you should have given him.

Later, when he calls, you will tell him what you decided was the response most likely to cool his advances while running the smallest possible risk of annoying him: you have a boyfriend. You will feel a twinge of regret about having misled him, but nothing strong enough to outweigh the lingering memory of your encounter in the bushes with your would-be rapist (or worse).

A book I found very eye-opening on this subject was Gavin DeBecker's The Gift of Fear. I highly recommend it. Early in the book he quotes a woman who points out (I'm paraphrasing; don't have the book handy at the moment) that "as a man approaching a woman as a potential partner, the worst thing you have to worry about is being embarrassed. As a woman, I have to worry about being killed."

I think you should talk to some women you know about this interaction on the plane. They might offer an interesting perspective.

Just a thought.

-- And, Francis, what man wants an "average" woman anyway? --

Well, Heather, I could do with one. I've been subsisting on "none" for long enough!

Ah, because golly, gee, whiz, we all know that men are just encouraged to boorishly continue to pursue women who are scared to death of men because of near rape experiences. Perhaps a better tactic would have been the truth.

"You sound like a nice guy but I was recently nearly raped and I'm busy stocking up on mace and attending karate classes to really be a fun date. This isn't going to work out. Don't call anymore, I've got caller ID and the DA on speed dial."

This tack has the dual advantage of being true and having a higher deterrent value than a simple claim of a boyfriend as well as making the despised male competitor not some normal boyfriend but a criminal predator who has obviously psychologically hurt this poor woman who is in no shape for any relationship. Anybody who pursues beyond this point actually *should* get a visit from the local police on a harassment complaint.

Finally, the idea that the worst thing that men have to worry about is embarrassment is simply ignorant of the police blotter or the CDC statistics. The average strength differences between men and women are insufficient to stop a woman from killing a man and adding weapons makes the strength issue almost moot.

But as a woman looking for a potential mate, all you have to worry about is embarrassing all the men who approach you that you aren't interested in -- since men are socially obligated to do all the courting and are trained to expect that women will show no interest unless you *try really hard*. Not that I especially blame lady-on-the-plane for this, but I know your pain, man.

I'm just irritated, because she seemed rather eager to talk at the time, and happy to both give me her number and ask me for mine in return. Plus, this isn't the first time I've had this experience.

I don't mind being obligated to pursue, but I really would appreciate it if women were more honest. Otherwise, it's a no-win situation. If the girl likes me and I don't pursue her, she won't help me out at all; if she doesn't really like me -- but is only flirting -- and I do pursue her, I'm the bad guy.

It's a very frustrating system.

Francis, dear.

Quit insulting women as a collective, and you're likely to find a few nice, intelligent, quirky, fun individuals. But the first one goes to Michael.

hln

Dear Heather,

"Insult" is in the mind of the beholder, dear. If you consider your gender's common characteristics to be other than I've described, then you should say so, and say why. But if my statement captured some truths, then for you -- or "women" -- to feel insulted about them is meaningless and self-defeating.

Facts are not insulting; they're merely facts.

Your humble Curmudgeon,
Fran Porretto

"All" women read womens magazines, rich with man-huntin articles? Really Francis?

All women dress soley for attention?

Women don't want a good man, they just want to collect trophys of men who wanted them? Really Francis?

Hmm, at least later you change to "the average woman" when you talk about their fantasies, but these fantasies seem to apply to every member of the human race, and probably most animals. I guess not me, I have to fantasize about not being wanted, since I have to beat the women away with a stick.

Michael - I don't want to be insulting or presumptuous, but what your readers have failed to inform you is "I have a boyfriend" is the "I gave him my number?!" equivalent of buyer's remorse.

And Francis, while I by no means think of myself as an "average woman," I demand to be admired and fussed over by as many men as possible, and I openly fantasize about being fought over by men.

The average man, on the other hand, is strictly interested in being desired by just one woman. You know, meeting the perfect woman at 17, running off with her, and staying faithful to her until he dies off at the ripe old age of 76. When in public, he prefers not to be checked out by any girls at all -- just thinking about that nagging wife who only fusses about his Monday night football.

"The average man, on the other hand, is strictly interested in being desired by just one woman."

I... see.... Uh.

Um, Michael, the part about men was what we like to call "tongue in cheek."