The UC Regents have decided to prohibit faculty members from engaging in sexual or romantic relationships with their students. Naturally, every department has it's own take on the new policy.
The astronomy faculty says they may have trouble handling their telescopes without student assistance, possibly hindering the discovery and exploration of new black holes. The biologists shouldn't have any difficulty with their bacteria-ridden microscopes, however.
As always, the electrical engineers are worried about their short circuits. Computer scientists are worried that the pigeonhole principle will lead to crowding as the number of available holes declines, but they've always got tail-recursion to fall back on.
The paleontologists don't mind, since they tend to prefer old bones anyway. The physics department frets that it may have to stop assuming there's no friction when solving rigid body problems, but the chemists say they've got some fluid in their testtubes that might help.
The economists don't care, since they'll still end up paying. The historians say they've never noticed the issue, and the English department doesn't think it's very penetrating. The cunning linguists are still tongue-tied.
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