It's generally believed that women understand men more than men understand women. Partially, it's because women are just more complicated than men are, as the diagram illustrates. However, there is at least one aspect of male psychology that most women simply do not understand, and that's the overwhelming desire to appear masculine.
Courtney doesn't understand why a man would balk at attending Mary Washington College; she has probably attended several schools that were named after men and she may never have thought twice about it. Despite the fact that MWC has a 65:35 female:male ratio, they're having trouble recruiting male students, and the mens basketball team is even having difficulty in finding opponents to play against. Courtney doesn't understand why this is the case, but I suspect that almost every man reading this is quirking his eyebrow knowingly.
Men are very dependent on their masculinity for attracting women, and women need to understand that every single decision a man makes is designed to maximize their chances of having sex with as many women as possible. From our clothes, to the cars we drive, to our majors in college, to the movies we see, everything a man does is directly or indirectly focused on being attractive to women. Everything. I'm not joking. Sure, we try and act as if this isn't true... but that's only because it makes us more attractive when we act like we don't care.
Women who are into some male-type things are a real turn-on for most guys. Men who are into female-type things are generally (a) denigrated by other men, and (b) dismissed as potential mates by most women. Sure, gay guys have tons of female friends -- but it's largely because they're safe and gay, which defeats the whole purpose! (Incidentally, some straight men have tried to take advantage of this by pretending to be gay, but I've never heard of it working out well.)
To sum it up: girl + baseball cap == cute; boy + flowers in hair == gay. Extrapolate to Mary Washington College.
I ompletely agree with you. I am a psych major, and after doing an extensive research on male psychology I came to the conclusion that it all sums up to men wanting to be masculine and defining masculinity on the number of sexual partners they have had.
Well, well, well. I never thought I'd hear a man admit to the things you said. What you neglected to include was that the whole masculine pretense is not necessarily attractive to most women. Most women want something that men simply cannot give; it's called honesty. That means telling the truth about how you feel and everything else. Most intelligent women have little attraction to men for this simple reason, and besides, intelligent women have no practical use for men. Men are for the most part completely worthless and laughable. No sir, the most intelligent women are either celibate or lesbian, and they intend to remain that way.
K: You only think you don't want a masculine man, but you're deceiving yourself. As for women needing men, I just wrote about how working is like pornography.
I think men biologically and historically have been predestined to behave in this certain way. Nevertheless, there is also such as thing as playing the cards by using the hand we were given. If men prefer to remain in the primitive way of doing things then I don't think these type of men will ever progress. That is why there's such a thing as a man that we call the "21st century" or "new age" man. These men are the ones who have superseded their primitive instincts to become a better man and, of course, a better person. Believe it or not, martians, more women would like to go out with a smooth-talking ladies man like James Bond than a musky Indiana Jones nowadays. So, please, if you want to have a continuous date, please reconsider your old-fashioned styles!
omg isnt that so true from the money to the combedhair its all for attention of sorts but how else would men get noticed rarely do they actually do anything of meaning in the wolrd well in the common world !! lol i always say how chalengde they are in focus an ability to think on there own its all to get a women thats going to eventuallt just be with them just like mommy lol
Michael, it's hard to believe you have an advice column displayed Internationally... ha ha. You and John Gray should sit down in your cave and hash it out. You give men too many rights and excuses to act like jack asses. Cognitive Therapy is what many of you need. If you want to do something beneficial on the worldwide web, start spreading the news about Egalitarianism. If you don't know what this is, it means 'equality between any gender, race, humans/animals'; and please don't confuse it with 'radical feminism' like most male jack asses do so they have another reason to try to make women look inferior to them. It's about not being lazy and giving other beings respect.
Tamara: I know! I can hardly believe it myself. It just goes to show that I'm smarter and better than you.
Damn! This site is visited by so many messed up women! Psycho women, trained to speak bulls.it and attack men at sight.
Give it up fem ladies you'll never have a happy life if you continue acting like this.
"Men" were the ones that invented hot water, houses, roofs, electricity and struff thath you use today, hell, even these computers. And this didn'thappen overnight, it was a slow and long process that lasted for 50.000 years of human history. Study history if you don't believe, and don't even mention represion. Wealthy women without "oppresive house work" have been fairly present in history and yet have not left anything significant behind them. When given an oportunity to create a msterpiece for example, most woman will not do it. Men "have" a need to impress them selves into everything and everyone in this world. It's survival psychology, nature, darwinism, evolution, procreation... Women are there to chose between partners that work hard or harder and thus they secure that only the best survive.
Men work like horses and women choose to whom shall they give imortality through children.
How appropriate!
Men work hard to give life and women chose to kill it when they desire.
Men are men, and should be men, women are women and should stay women, not be MEN-taly disturbed.
I agree with you. Men want women. I disagree that they want more than one woman. On the most primitive and biological level I would still disagree. Men like women desire to be one with some"one" not 100 someones. They want to live forever with one beautiful woman and be eternally youthful. Maybe they want scads and scads of children. That I don't know about. Men want to love and be loved in an ever evolving relationship.
Geneva: Your opinion is clearly based on illusions you've built up as a woman.
Michael,
I agree with your comments regarding men and their sexual mentality. I believe it is instinctual. The male brain developes at 2 months gestation. The mothers body realizes this will be a male child and proceeds to bombard the fetus with testostrone. This shapes the hemishperes of the brain differently than a female childs'.
In short, men can separate emotions to the point where one emotion or feeling has nothing to do with another. This would explain why a married man can have multipule sex partners, and not understand why his wife is upset. He LOVES her, but was just having sex with the others. When you think about it, this way definately insures the human species' survival.
I also think the more a man mistreats the opposite sex, the more he deserves to be the father of many girls. My opinion. Thanks for your site.
Beverly
I read the comments. I've done extensive reading about male psychology: my God, you are brave! I don't agree with everything because I'm not a man. But I ponder your words and try to understand. I wish we could just talk it out without bashing each other's communication style. i still have trouble with sex and sexual desire because I'm trying to separate what I learned from religion, from my family , from society, from being abused brutually from what i truly believe. It's a hard uncomfortable journey but I need the viewpoint from the other half of humanity to make up my mind. Thanks Michael.
just curious:
if a 38 year old guy keeps insisting his 33 years old gal colluegue goes over to his place to get to know her better, is it possible he just wants to get to know her better (not sex)?
They have dated only for 1 mth but known each other for 6 months.
ritz: If they're dating, then, he's almost certainly interested in her sexually, right?
Keeping it real, guys, turns me on. I get turned on comparatively the same between the able-bodied & the noble-minded. My emotions can play all the tricks in the book on me, but I still know that it's my brain's perception of what masculinity that helps generate my responses to any presented stimuli. Honestly, I like guy-oriented stuff since getting new experiences in life is one of the essentials of enjoying life, in my perception. I like getting under the hood of a car, camping out without a shower for a night, cleaning the fish, changing the tire on my own car, fishing, golfing, cleaning the stalls, sports, beer, the gang of guys, not changing the rules for my sake of being a girl. I like getting messy--and it does make a difference with the guy in my life. No James Bond wanted here. I'm sophisticated enough to operate my own spy-network in the man's world so that I can intercept communications and reply accordingly, enjoying the fun without all the crap. I hate girl-stuff and the clicks and the mall-shopping. Unless, I say, it's something I will get a kick out of by presenting a delightful gift to a man whose honest response will give me cause for delight in continuance of the nuances in my mind. I like to be enlightened. Studying a guy this way has brought me closer and I have his genuine and mutual respect. He's a man, simple and to the point. But, from a "primitive" aspect, that turns me on....
I love men! They are so simple! Call me old fashioned, but I want a 3 step man..food + sex + work= a content man. :) easy!
Ponder this...is it possible that those males who decide to appear masculine to attract many mates, and those women who choose to be with them, are genetically inferior? Is it possible that evolution, Darwinism (wrap your mind around this one Alex) is headed towards humans becoming monogamous? As a species we have the most helpless infants. It is necessary for men to be faithful. It has been proven that children with 2 monogamous parents are healthier and more productive, and will have a better chance to raise yet another generation. AIDS and other STDS are also helping to wipe out the macho man-hoes and their partners (bka hookers and unsuspecting wives) worldwide. We barrel towards monogamy faster than ever. Yes women are usually picky. About every girl (who wasn’t rejected or molested by their families) has been TAUGHT to say no. Hell a few short generations ago, we had about a 1 in 3 chance of dying trying to give birth to your babies. Talk about a turn off. Yes guys, I know you're programmed around sex. I know there aren't that many good women left either. I feel for you I really do. But don't make it harder on yourself. Turn off the boob tube and pick up a book. You can be the one that does the choosing. There’s nothing sexier to an intelligent woman than a man who has some standards and can say NO.
My, My some of the comments from the feministas like Kay prove their hate against men. Such mentally ill women should live in mental institutes as they are not capable of living without proper supervision. Women should be feminine not masculine like feministas are.
I can completely understand why it is so important and why a man enjoys being masculine just as i enjoy and take pride in my femininity! This whole discussion seems so odd to me. Women are drawn to masculine men who can protect, provide and impress them no matter how capable they are (and they really are) themselves. The stronger the woman the stronger the man has got to be, it's hard work in this age where women are achieving so much and are so smart and capable. it's no fun being a women and wearing the trousers in a relationship thats for sure. You quickly lose respect and attraction for that man and thats the cold hard truth of life! But just as a man is most succesful sexualy when he is more masculine so a women is when she is more femenine. Opposites are ment to attract thats the whole point. If you look at the worlds most sexy women from an iconic point of view it's Marilyn Monroe. The most sexy man Marlon Brando, James Dean, Steve Mcqeen etc. As a women my desire to be femenine is just as important to me if not more important in terms of my sexual prowess than a mans desire to be masculine. Women are judged far more on thier looks and sexual attraction than are men anyway! Physically a women desires a man who's hansome with a lean and muscular body who is strong and virile and passionate, part of the reason for this is the fact that it makes her feel more femenine. The same applies when a man wants a women with a small waist, long flowing hair, soft skin and ample breasts, because it makes him feel more masculine. It's all straight forward commen sense to me that men desire to be masculine and women desire to be femenine. Men and women are the same in this respect.