CO-ED BABY SHOWERS: Who thought of this idea? I mean, it's great to get together with friends who are having a baby, and there's certainly no reason to invite only one gender... but that doesn't mean you should organize the party in the same fashion as if it were a traditional baby shower. Babies make women do silly things -- and I don't mean silly in an entertaining way like when someone falls down a manhole. When I try to join in the fun by making dead baby jokes all the guys think it's hilarious and all the girls act all aghast, like they aren't even funny!

Q: What's the difference between babies and onions?
A: Sometimes I cry when I chop up onions.

Q: Why do you always put a baby in the blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on her face.

Q: What's blue and flops around on the ground?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.

Come on, these are way more amusing than tiny socks with Winnie the Pooh's disembodied head stitched onto the feet! The girls would have thought so too, in a different setting. The only reason boys ever start acting like grown-ups is because women start taking things so seriously.

I got my friends a "baby aquarium" they had on their gift registry, but apparently the baby doesn't actually go in the aquarium like I had envisioned. Most of the gifts were terribly practical things that every baby needs, like underwear. Oh no wait, babies don't wear underwear. I think some of my friends don't know anything whatsoever about babies, unlike me. I'm great with kids; I love kids. Especially other people's kids, because that way I can dismiss them when they stop entertaining me.

I look forward to having kids of my own, but what if they turn out to be losers? Then what? You're pretty much stuck with them. So I worry about that sometimes. Ok, now I'm just rambling.

All-in-all, it's very strange that any of my friends are having babies. It's great, but very surreal.



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